Kick Churn! - 8-Bit Arcade Game
We built a retro 8-bit arcade game where you literally kick churn. Fight off cancellations, ghost users, rage quitters, and trolls across 5 floors - each with a unique end boss. One button. Pure retention chaos.
Why Kick Churn?
We fight churn every day with dashboards and data. But sometimes you just want to literally kick it. Inspired by the 1984 Kung Fu Master arcade game and Chrome's dinosaur game, Kick Churn! lets you physically fight off every SaaS founder's worst nightmare.
Every enemy is a real type of churn. Every customer you save adds to your MRR. It's surprisingly therapeutic.
How to Play
- Spacebar (or tap on mobile) - that's it, one button
- You're a Retention Hero in a blue suit with a cape
- Churn enemies rush at you - kick them to save customers
- Chain kicks for combos that multiply your MRR savings
- Clear enough enemies on each floor to trigger the boss fight
- Defeat all 5 bosses to become the ultimate Retention Hero
The Enemies
Ghost Users (grey)
Silent churn. They stopped logging in weeks ago.
Cancellers (red)
Active cancellation requests heading your way.
Refunders (dark red)
Fast-moving rage quits and chargebacks.
Trolls (green)
1-star reviewers and serial complainers. Takes 2 hits.
The 5 Floors & Bosses
- Onboarding Hell - Boss: Failed Onboarding (a broken robot)
- Payment Dungeon - Boss: Expired Card (a giant zombie credit card)
- Support Nightmare - Boss: Rage Reviewer (a horned fire demon)
- Competitor Alley - Boss: The Competitor (slick suit, briefcase, sunglasses)
- The Churn Throne - Boss: King Churn (crowned skull overlord with scepter)
Share Your Score
When the game ends, share buttons appear so you can post your customers saved and MRR retained to Twitter/X or challenge a friend. Your share text includes your floor reached and stats.
Technical Details
Pure HTML5 Canvas and vanilla JavaScript. No libraries, no frameworks. Features include:
- Pixel-art characters with detailed sprites and animations
- 5 unique boss designs with HP bars and attack patterns
- 4 distinct enemy types with different speeds and behaviors
- Parallax city skyline with animated server racks and blinking lights
- Floor-specific color themes and atmosphere
- Combo system, MRR tracking, screen shake, particles
- Floor intro and boss warning screens
- Touch support for mobile